The Comprehensive List: The Things I Couldn't Do Before I Had ...A Boy.

Ziggy Joy will be a year old soon...a year since I was waiting for him

Just about Exactly a Year ago...

This time of year is so bitter sweet for me, it's a big turning point in the year, after a busy summer full of adventures, change is in the air. The last few summers late August has me feeling pensive and a little sad, another wonderful summer of their childhood has turned the corner looking towards Autumn. The books are on the shelf waiting for our First Day of School, full of possibilities And yet the flowers are still in bloom and the weather is warm and waiting for Autumn's turn.

This too...

I can't believe how fast the year has flown his birth was so different and so...almost nonchalant in how he was so quickly with us...I mean the birth wasn't nonchalant, but his arrival almost felt that way. A hint of his personality perhaps.

His Birthday.

It is hard to believe he wasn't always part of our family. Over the past year I've gotten a lot to "finally got your boy!" comments, not a huge deal...I nod and chuckle and say "Oh well we sure do love him." But some times it bothers me too, I feel defensive for my daughters. Honestly the thought that a family is only complete when they have both genders is ridiculous. We were perfectly complete with our girls, but yes- we feel beyond blessed to have this Laughing Joy in our lives, he made us realize how much more our life could be. A part of our story was missing and has so much more to it than we imagined!

 He's almost a year old and I'm still waiting to see how different he is, I've gotten a lot of comments about that too. "Oh a BOY! Watch out!" or "Oh a boy, I have to tell you they are the sweetest. My girls were rough, but my boys were a dream."
 People like to make boxes. Again, nod and smile, whatever chit chat is what it is. He does have the easiest temperament of my babies. He is (so far) my best sleeper. He is chill. But my diet is really good, I've avoided foods that bothered my other babies. I think that lends to his personality as well: he's not living in constant pain.

So far he's exactly as different and unique as the others were. I've been trying to come up with a list of all the things I've gotten to experience now that I" finally have my boy" and it is shocking, you won't believe it.

 Here it is The Comprehensive List as a Mom of a Boy...

 1. Since he was born I may have uttered the words "cute" and "penis"in the same breath (just saying... TMI, Absolutely. But it's not some thing I ever thought before...I'm not alone on this one.).

 2. Use on average 2 more wipes per dirty diaper change there are more angles down there.

 3. Worry about somebody's penis health on a regular basis...is that rash okay? If I let some one new change his diaper are they informed on intact care or will they mess with his foreskin and cause adhesions and pain?

4. Use the word penis more than I ever thought necessary (and you're probably feeling that way too at this point...)

5. Kiss another person with male genitalia more than I kiss my husband (it's his cheeks, I can't help myself).

 

 There it is, 5 things I never thought I would experience. Does he like "boy stuff" more than the girls or seem wired differently? He does seem a bit more dirty some how, he seems to attract it and eat it more than I previously recall...Then again I didn't take the others as many places as I take him. And also their babyhood is a blur. I do recall Friendly licking things I couldn't believe she would lick, Ziggy seems to follow that trend. No stone, or disgusting colored patch of sidewalk goes unlicked. Healthy microbiome for the win!

 He just loves people, anything people related he locks in and needs to join in. The kids are all talking? He starts babbling as loudly as he can over them. As an introvert this does not bode well for my bubble...As a Mother? It is cute.

 He does tend to be very interested in loud noises and mechanical things, always points at planes overhead and has to stop and watch a noisy truck pass by. He already plays with cars a lot. But he also rocks baby dolls he finds and kisses them, loves to talk on the play phone, is super into books, is very gentle and mellow and empethetically connected with the people in our family.

He is definitely much larger than the girls were, he weights what they did at 2-2.5 years old (again my great diet and hearty appetite, I haven't restricted or tried to lose the baby weight this time)! And he's quite tall for his age, he also has hands almost as big as the 4 year olds (he's going to be a big handsome man some day, or just have abnormally large hands and feet and a sweet kind face ;)

He carries his own energy and reminds me of pieces of all of the others but he's his own person, with his own lessons to teach me and stretch me. I'm so thankful he is part of our world. I can't believe it's been just about a year since I finally looked into his eyes for the first time. I am so happy he is part of our world.

Postpartum Reflections...

Our squish is here.And I've been doing a lot of this...

The first 5 days I stayed upstairs in bed, sweet Hubby Joy brought me all my food and got me any thing I needed. I nursed, napped, nursed, changed diapers, nursed, and rested. I allowed myself one trip downstairs a day after the first 5 days and this enabled me to get my own food once a day and or just hang out with the kids downstairs a little.

I ate breakfast on the front porch which felt really good. It's been too hot and muggy for the baby so I haven't gotten to do it since.

I love his curly ears.

I think the greatest challenge for me postpartum is knowing where to set the bar in relation to what my body needs, not just now but in the long term. As some one with adrenal and autoimmune challenges it is a fine line to walk. Generally I feel great, my health challenges have drastically healed and improved thanks to dietary changes and T-TAPP.  But the unfortunate thing is that my body does take a little longer to bounce back from things, particularly birth. And I feel so great, I often miss signs that I've over done it and then crash hard. And "over done it" is so frustrating, what exactly did I do that was so taxing? Often it was just a combination of a little too much activity and a few stressful situations (kids fighting, baby crying and not calming, raising my fight or flight reflexes), mix it in with postpartum hormones and a bad night of sleep: CRASH.

What does a crash look like? Complete and utter exhaustion mixed in with achey body and a shorter fuse. It's frustrating, but I've learned and I am learning how important it is for me to rest during times of transition and stress. Not only for me but for my whole family, that I focus on resting when I need it...And giving and being present as much as I can. Babies are precious, and they don't happen too many times in your life time...They are a gift.

This recovery has been a lot harder in some ways than it was last time. I will share the full birth story in another post soon, but suffice it to say it was a long hard labor. From the time my water was broken (more on that too) until birth it was 14 hours of HARD contractions. It was probably my hardest labor physically, though mentally and emotionally it was great. It just kept on keeping on like a freight train, no questions that this baby was on his way and my body meant business. Which in of itself, given his position, so empowering! That said, if it weren't for medical interventions I think it would have been a pretty traumatic birth.

As it was the birth was fantastic and I can look back at it with a mix of gratitude and relief that it all went the way that it did. It was deeply redeeming in many ways. I bled a lot, tore a little, and had a (give or take a smidge) 9lbs baby with a 14inch head come out asynclintic (cocked ear first). I felt pretty beat up the first several days.

I am 10 days out and feeling almost normal, but if I'm on my feet too much or do too much bending or twisting I feel like my pelvic area has been beaten badly. And unfortunately,  "too much" doesn't really hit until I've sat down and rested and then tried to get back up.

 It's harder to stay down this time, I am! I am sucking the marrow out of this babymoon. I can't say how thankful I am to Hubby Joy for all he's done to make this possible. He has been an absolute gem. But it feels so good right now not to be pregnant. I also love this time of year, I want to be at parks with the kids, taking nature walks and watching them play. Walking with Hubby Joy and enjoying the late-summer weather.

But I'm home mostly, nursing more than I ever remember nursing before (though I know it's not true, I just forgot) and snuggling and sad that these early days will fly so fast...What do I want to remember about them?  Stress over a messy house? All the places we went and things we did and how much I hurt afterwards?

Or the smell of his head. The softness of his cheeks. The way his squishy little body felt sleeping against mine. The way I know his face so well from hours of staring at it. That I drank him in and we had every thing together for his first week or two.
I am so grateful for this babymoon we've enjoyed and for new ways of learning balance and seeing how my body has healed in the last 4 years.
That said, having 3 other kids there are things that must march on...We start school tomorrow, and while I still plan to rest heavily the first month, life can't stop for that entire time. So I've been pondering what are some ways I can continue to focus on rest and self-care as I move out of our babymoon and into the rest of the 4th Trimester.

1. Shower every morning... As soon as I can. I feel so much more human when I am clean, especially after a night of nursing and leaking and diaper leaks.

2. Make my bed every day... I've never been one to make my bed, not since I was a kid. But it really does feel good to know that it is waiting there for me to rest on with out getting the sheets crumby (because I am always eating).

3. Treat Myself... Nothing crazy, but finding little ways to pamper myself. I did this a lot the last month of pregnancy...painting my nails...giving myself a foot soak...Eating a special snack. It's going to be hard to get out alone with this little one, he has been taking a really hard core nap from 8-11ish every morning, but pretty much from that point on he is in arms non-stop. I know it'll change and he won't be so intense forever. But I do have a feeling getting out of the house for more than an hour at a time is going to be tricky. I need to find ways to treat myself at home.

4. Get Outside Daily...This has been tricky because the past week has been nasty muggy. But as Autumn and Winter roll around I plan to take advantage of the fact that Hubby Joy is here during the day and sneak out for a brief walk during morning nap- even on the most bitter cold days.

5. Read More Books...While there will be plenty moments of nursing on the go, there are even more of us snuggled up and what other opportunity am I going to have to read once he gets mobile? I've really been enjoying my kindle paperwhite e-reader, it has a small back light so I can read at night...That has been wonderful.

Well a certain little guy is squirming and I think he just filled his diaper...Time to go!