Finding Balance in Flux

Flux

noun

1. a flowing or flow.

2. the flowing in of the tide.

3. continuous change, passage, or movement:

 I'm the kind of person that loves structure, until it feels like a burden and then I need change.

Right now life is very...loose. It's been interesting since Ziggy was born. Life has revolved around his sleep and how much sleep I am getting, and how can I get the most sleep possible?

Add to the fact that Hubby Joy sets his own hours and works all hours, some days he starts work at 7 and works all day without breaks until dinner time. He picks it back up after the older three are in bed. Other mornings we sleep in until 8 or 8:30 and he doesn't start work until between 9 and 10 works until 5 or 6 and our day (the kids and mine) works around that.

Working Late, Ziggy was helping...

Some nights he's up until 2 or 3 in the morning trying to figure out a problem in the project before the people on the other end need it the next morning.  So he sleeps past 9 or 10 and I get up and feed the  kids and start the day with out him.

His work load and deadlines change daily. Some weeks he works 6 days a week some weeks he takes more time off.

And then sleep. Any opportunity I have to get more of it I feel like I should take it, because if there is any thing in my life I'm consistently short on, it's sleep. Ziggy is a decent sleeper, for a baby he's fantastic, I put him down between 8 and 10 p.m. and he often will sleep 5-6 hours at a time. Some times he doesn't wake me until 5a.m. (7-8 hour stretches) and then he nurses for a long time while we doze. After three rough sleepers, he's a dream and it is working for us. But Friendly has been having a horrid patch again (sensory struggles mostly, upset and needing help) and she wakes me (and has for months) several nights a week and then I struggle to get back to sleep myself. So when the baby sleeps in until 7:30-8 (or some times later) I have a hard time saying no to the opportunity.

So I wonder? Is this the season I am in, and I need to just do what works and go from there? Or do I need to be the river bed for the family flow and set the foundation by being intentional and getting up earlier? The older 3 wake up between 6-7a.m., get some food (we fondly refer to it as "First Breakfast"), and work on projects until I come down.

When I come down Hubby makes the coffee and we work on getting a real breakfast on the table, we eat as a family and then the kids go off and do more projects while DH and I finish up our coffee and I do chores and he heads up to the office.

By the time I'm done breakfast and chores it's 9:30 and the baby is ready to nurse, he usually doesn't nurse long when he wakes up and so we snuggle for 30 minutes at this time. And then he plays happily and I get my shower and we head out the door to meet friends, or we do some thing else together until lunch time. I suppose this would be prime school time.

Do I try to make things flow or do I embrace the flux, the ever changing needs?

I'm torn. Because I know that in some ways our days are more productive when I'm up at before 7. On the flip side I am exhausted and stressed and long-term, unhappy in that scenario.

Here's what's working:

Slow mornings. After years of rushing through parts of our morning, either for Hubby Joy to get off to work or to welcome our Bonus Kiddo the year we  had her with us, well I didn't realize how stressed it left me feeling until we were free of it. A slow morning routine helps the rest of the day feel calm.

What does a slow morning mean?
Sleeping in isn't so much the issue, it's being able to wake up slowly. Hubby Joy and I take that time to talk for a few minutes while Ziggy crawls between us and snuggles.
 We need that connection time before we start our day surrounded by the kids.
I also need time to drink my coffee alone. I like to sit on the porch and read with my coffee. This isn't really possible with busy Ziggy, but I do still like to sit and enjoy nobody touching me or climbing on me. The kids know I won't read to them or do any thing with them until my cup is empty.

So what I think we'll do...
That said, I do think I need to set the alarm for 7:30 and be out of bed no later than 8 on week days, bad nights will happen but I don't think that will be a burden. I need to hop right into the shower.

We should shoot to be done with breakfast by 9.

Then coffee time.

Then FAMILY chores. That will be a change. The girls will unload and load the dishwasher if I ask them to help me. I think I would like them to be more involved in the daily running of the house. It's a fine line we are not sure how to balance. We don't want to raise entitled children, we want them to have life skills and understand the value of work, and just all that it takes to keep a house and family running. But we also want them to be *kids*, we want them to have this time to be young, to know a carefree childhood where housework and chores were some thing they did along side of us...Not some burden that they alone carried for the family and they were sent off and expected to do it no matter how miserable and nasty everyone was being (as children from larger families we may have a bit of baggage here...).

So I think involving them in housework will need to happen here. We have talked about every body having a day to unload the dishwasher (HJ and I included), make it a team effort to keep up with that sort of thing. I need to come up with a chart for that.  And have the expectation that I will have kids in my bubble and needing supervision and my involvement in the mornings.

And then after chores will be Pip's school time.

We'll be using Heart of Dakota, so I will do her Bible and Language Arts and a chapter (Life of Fred) of Math with her. Or maybe I will get Horizons Kindergarten for her and do a page every day it's assigned, I really want less reading aloud in my life...Or maybe we will skip math this year. We will be doing 2 years of Kindergarten unless she just takes off with reading. I don't really believe in pushing math before the age of 9 anyway...I don't really believe in pushing much of any thing before age 9, unless the child is interested, but there's the rub, she's interested. I think she'll really enjoy her "Mommy Date" every morning getting to do a cozy literature-based curriculum all her own, and math pages especially will interest her, she loves numbers. As a younger sibling from a homeschool family I know how much it means to DO SCHOOL with Mommy. Is it necessary? No. But any thing I can do to connect with this kiddo is worth it.

After  Pip's school time her assignment will be 5 books in the Skybrary and then 20 minutes of Teach Your Monster to Read if she wants it. Other wise it will be anything we allow from PBS Kids.

That leaves the older kids school time: We will start with Brain Integration Therapy and move to Phonics practice (Friendly) and The Main Assignments for the day from Build Your Own Library guide.

All that said and done we should be done with school by noon. With homework and left over assignments to be finished after lunch and on pleasant days we can head to the park for more read alouds and cold day we can schedule in some tea times too.

I have been hearing a lot about Bravewriter poetry and tea and I want to look into that for enrichment, I think Friendly would love it.

I think regardless this is going to be a lot of work and constant need for grace and being realistic. Some days we'll get a lot done, other days maybe we won't. But I think, even if it's not the best way to do it, I think this will be our best happy medium.

Next post, week days...Thinking through how I want to do our week. I do think a rhythm here would be good.

Monday Library Day...Tuesday Baking day...Wednesday Park day.. or some thing like that. I think those sorts of rhythms ground us. More on that and with the finished chore chart next time.

Finding a Flow ...Anchors and Flux

I know how important it is to have rituals in life. "To every thing there is a season.." rings with the deepest truth of life, we humans feel centered and happier when we have rituals and seasonal times of reflection.

 This is something I have been trying to build into our family over the last couple of years.

In Spring we get the yard ready. We go to our places and have a celebratory picnic. We take a lot of nature walks, reveling in the new warmth (even if it's still chilly), looking for signs of green at every turn and when it truly arrives, we revel in the green and flowers.

Summer means popcicles, fireworks and lightening bugs on the 4th of July, playing in the sprinkler together, picnics by the creek, the Summer Reading Program, playing outside all morning and resting in the heat of the afternoon. Grilling and pickles and garden veggies. Summer Ends with The Fair...

Autumn means Leaf Walks to collect colorful leaves and crunch all that will be crunched!  Making our Seasonal Window Hanging- we make at least 4 a year out of wax paper and leaves, glitter, or paint.

Autumn Means hours at the park playing under the trees, reading books, early evenings, and the tinge of sadness that another year is winding down.

 And then we swing around to the Holidays and winter...The Holidays means a new window hanging, The Christmas Tree Hunt, decorating the tree, the Advent Elves and their secrets and surprises and letters of encouragement and Advent Projects...

Can you see Clemmie and Calvin nestled down on the window sill?

Decorating the Tree

Winter means Long days at home. Winter is dark and cold and the days feel long and people feel crowded. There is sickness from the lack of sunshine. But there is coziness and time for creativity. Snow fun and lots of time for books and school and sewing projects.

Playing with their friends next door after a blizzard.

sewing with a sleeping Ziggy on my back.

  I see all that we've built into our life, the way we try to honor and embrace the season we are in, to take the time to say "We can't do this any other time of the year, this is special."

School, newborn Ziggy, reading our Language Arts out loud while Ziggy nursed.

So when it comes to the year, yes I feel like we have an ebb and flow and definitely anchors. Some thing I want to write here while my kids are still young so I remember. I think the one thing I have done pretty well is to set my bar pretty low. The things I do with the kids aren't things that are hard for me to do, or take a ton of work. I enjoy them, they add a sense of stability and rightness to my life.

I have been fairly intentional not to build things around things that feel like work. They are important to my kids but I want to continue doing them for me.  Even when my kids are too old or uninterested I want to take time to make a new window hanging for that year in each season, or at least have a specific window hanging we've made back up. I want to take time to revel in leaves that crunch, I want to enjoy the ritual of decorating the tree and sitting in it's light with a warm beverage. I want to take the winter days to read and sew and enjoy quiet days at home. I don't mean any judgement to my Mom, she did what she needed to do, and she did a million things I am so grateful for, but as one of "the babies" I felt a huge sense of loss when she started to drop traditions because she was so busy with the older siblings who were teenagers.

I know down the line my kids are not going to want to join me, but I know that we lose so much when we stop honoring the seasons in small simple ways. And I hope to always offer that haven and safe feeling to my children. I don't cook fantastic meals or make Holidays all about the foods, that stresses me out. But I try to find ways to honor the seasons in simple ways and I hope I always will.

Tree night, store bought cookies and cider by the tree

So that's how we honor the season of the year...Now I want to talk about how we honor the times of the day and the ebb and flow and flux we need in life. That will be the next post...

It's been a while...Biding Time

I'm all about "what's next". It started around my 4th Birthday, I was starting to get a grasp of past/present/future concepts and I realized, the future is AWESOME! The future is full of possibilities! I don't mind growing up (yes, I am not growing older- I am just growing up!), I like it. Yup that 4th Birthday - I have a good memory- I started dreaming about my 5th. And then my 6th...7th...It went on for... Oh, well over 20 years and counting.

I like making plans. Sure, pretty much my entire life has been disappointing at points, my adolescence was full of disappointments. The magic of childhood died, the warm fuzzy moments harder to find.But to the future I looked- the future will be better, the future can be ANYTHING. Some times I dream kind of TOO big. It has been a process of having BIG dreams but learning to take reasonable launching points in the process of getting there.

Unrelated picture of my sweet children.

And I do like baby steps. No really, I will write these To Do checklists most days and I will write down things like "brush teeth" or "change baby's diaper" - I have to do it, I might already have finished doing it (for that time), but I get a little thrill of checking things off.


This summer has been full of pages and pages of check lists. We are preparing to move, and remodelling the house we are moving into- and it is just severely awful the amount that has needed doing. But I have been having so much fun doing it!

But while I'm digging through all the painting, de-wall papering, re-tiling, replacing, painting, putting furniture together, laying laminate flooring, painting (I have painted A LOT), and caring for 3 small children day in and day out. The though keeps coming to my mind "Oh I wish I could do __________"

I wish I had time to devote to music. It would be so fun.
I wish I could devote that time and grow in skill so I could start teaching- that would be so fun!
I wish I could get really into fiber/yarn/knit work so that I was so amazing I could design my own patterns and make amazing creations (I may or may not have been browsing a pattern book). That would be so fun!
I wish I could take some courses and become a postpartum doula.
 I wish the hubby and I could go do that together...I wish we could finish a sentence with out 3 interuptions. I wish we got more sleep..Wait getting off subject here.

Some times being future oriented sucks. There are so many things I'd love to do. But here I sit snuggling and chasing and feeding (over and over and over again).

 I don't really have time for any thing but the day to day. I am almost done with the renovations and then we will be moving (well once the contractors do their thing). But then we will start home schooling (Roo girl starts 1st grade with Heart of Dakota and Friendly will be doing their preschool/kindy curriculum).

I have devoted the last 5.5 years (and counting) to mothering, nursing (which - at least with my babies has felt like quite a job), and trying to just focus on my family and this season of life. And this summer with all of the projects and busyness - well that hasn't changed any thing. It's made me realize even more strongly that this season is for my kids. I have been trying to figure out where the balance is though. Now that my youngest is getting past the baby "must have mama all the time" stage I have a bit more freedom. There are so many things on my "to do lists" and I have been trying to weed through what I can try to nibble away at while staying present.

How do I keep my priorities on my family...While still chipping away at things that interest me?

Just some things rolling around in my head the past few weeks.

How do I balance...And how in the world will there ever be enough hours in the day?

Oh painting...another fun thing I'd like to do more!

Struggles...Are my Ally.

This month has been rough. About two weeks ago Hubby and Friendly both came down with the flu. Thankfully, Friendly's case wasn't too bad. She had a high fever (103+) for 3 days and a cough, was miserable but kept comfortable with Motrin. Hubby on the other hand was laid flat; high fever, horrible cough, and knocked out hard core for several days.
 Which left me solo parenting, dealing with a sleepless and teething baby, and praying I wouldn't get the flu too.

I didn't get it (wohoo!) But I came down with some thing else this weekend (sinus infection? virus? I'm still trying to decide). I am not nearly as miserable, but enough to be laid up on yesterday for the Pip Squeaks first Birthday.

Being sick, has also given me time to think- a luxury I haven't had in weeks.

What was I thinking about?

BALANCE

 Mostly how unfair it feels to me. Finding balance is such a struggle!
Sleep deprivation is super hard on any body...But especially mine...I try to brush it off...Soldier on, but it sucks. Add to it long standing autoimmune issues, anxiety and SAD and it has been an uphill battle for me this past month.

I read some thing a friend shared the other day that really impacted me.