Let it Roll...Preschool Style...

You know, as draining as it can be, I love the baby stage. Apart from colic and the hours Hubby and I have spent passing fussy upset baby back and forth: I still love the baby stage. Okay, I hate teething too, and all the night waking that involves.  But still: Baby sad? There is almost always a simple solution.

Then toddlerhood arrives, it's a bit more work to calm them and help them stay content. The whining involved with cutting molars is pretty awful. But it's okay... Generally, some time nursing (or all your time nursing, as the case may be), a snuggle, getting outside- there are things that calm the wild teething beast.

And then they turn three. Joyous three! Boastful Three! Bright and curious THREE! Three year olds are so very quirky, the two I have experienced so far have these funny almost OCD rituals, and habits.

But you know what is the hardest part about three year olds (and some times this hits at 2 too...It did with my second)?

Eyes to See...You have ARRIVED!

Whenever I write a blog post I feel like I need to write some sort of "I hope I don't sound presumptuous- I'm 5 years in to this gig...This is coming from a heart that is learning...I don't claim to have any special..hmmm...Well, any thing. I write to process...And I've come up for air, so hang on!! Also, my spell check is UK English, so if some thing is spelled wrong- ha!"


It's been a very busy and full few months. We haven't gone anywhere much, or done any thing special. And yet it's felt so very busy. Most of that has been inside my head. I'm an internal processor and when I'm learning a lot, or feeling stretched, I climb inside my brain and baten down the hatch.

Which makes me think of a submarine or a bomb shelter...Let's stick with submarine. Some times I feel like I am going through life as a

Struggles...Are my Ally.

This month has been rough. About two weeks ago Hubby and Friendly both came down with the flu. Thankfully, Friendly's case wasn't too bad. She had a high fever (103+) for 3 days and a cough, was miserable but kept comfortable with Motrin. Hubby on the other hand was laid flat; high fever, horrible cough, and knocked out hard core for several days.
 Which left me solo parenting, dealing with a sleepless and teething baby, and praying I wouldn't get the flu too.

I didn't get it (wohoo!) But I came down with some thing else this weekend (sinus infection? virus? I'm still trying to decide). I am not nearly as miserable, but enough to be laid up on yesterday for the Pip Squeaks first Birthday.

Being sick, has also given me time to think- a luxury I haven't had in weeks.

What was I thinking about?

BALANCE

 Mostly how unfair it feels to me. Finding balance is such a struggle!
Sleep deprivation is super hard on any body...But especially mine...I try to brush it off...Soldier on, but it sucks. Add to it long standing autoimmune issues, anxiety and SAD and it has been an uphill battle for me this past month.

I read some thing a friend shared the other day that really impacted me.

New ...Year...

This has probably been my longest break from blogging in a few years. It has been a busy few months...One with little time spent in introspection.

But I just had "coffee" (I drank  Synergy Mango Kombucha- if you haven't discovered it yet, try some so yummy!) with a friend, we talked about so many things, and I am feeling some bloginess coming on.

The Holidays were wonderful...

We celebrated a special advent

Advent calender (a blog post on this coming soon!)

And Roo Girl turned 5

Pup Cakes at our Puppy Party

Embracing Your Energy....And Parenting With Respect For It.

Okay, that was a long kind of weird title.

But this has been some thing on my heart for the past year or so. It has been a huge part of keeping my eyes on my own work. A key to my ultimate daily goal of being present.

INTROVERT? EXTROVERT?
Most of my life I thought that introverts were "shy" and "quiet" people and that extroverts were "friendly" "loud",  and "out going".. 

I thought I was an extrovert until about 5 years ago. I love people  I consider myself a fairly friendly person and I can be very outgoing in the right situations.

It wasn't until I read Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka that I had the light bulb moment: I am an introvert!

In her book Kurcinka explains that introversion and extroversion have nothing to with shyness or friendliness.

The Peaceful Birth of the Pip Squeak...A Journey

If you want to skip to the birth story, go to part 6. :0)
I wanted to start this with a disclaimer: INTRODUCTION...
I struggled with a lot of fears in all my pregnancies..Let me rephrase that, I wasn't afraid of any thing in my first pregnancy. Honestly, I was so excited to give birth! I had been raised in a home where child birth was an exciting and normal thing. My Mom had five relatively normal births- I mean some of her hospital experiences were kind of crazy. Also, I was born at home. Going into motherhood, I knew I was capable of natural birth, and nothing else was really an option.  A cesarean birth was never something I thought I would ever experience. I was unprepared for the machine that is most large teaching hospitals. For the interventions, for the horrible feeling of being completely at the mercy of that machine. I went through every intervention in the book in my *twelve* hours at the hospital. I ended up with a cesarean.

Blind sided. 

With that cut across my abdomen, a whole new world of fears was opened to me. Fears I ignored and wrestled through with my first VBAC baby. And finally truly faced this pregnancy. I finally found healing. Is there more to do? Always.
 I mention cesarean birth in negative terms, because my experience was very negative. I also mention baby loss, and death, things that I experienced or I saw become reality for others. I also share the steps I took to find my own personal place of comfort if I were to experience it too. The book Birthing From Within talks a lot about worry and fear. And what a GOOD thing it is, if you use it.

This pregnancy was my journey of learning to use it, explore it, and really walk out all scenarios. It was my discovery of where I needed to be to find peace in whatever - even the unthinkable.  It was really hard, but I explored it...and found healing.
I went from a woman who had lost all trust in the medical establishment.. Some one who (honestly, sadly) would choose a dangerous or unhealthy situation over repeat surgery (not that my first HBAC was that scenario- but had things not gone smoothly, I wonder...) I moved to a place where I could fully embrace the thought of another cesarean birth. I went from never ever, under any circumstances, being okay with a hospital birth again...To planning one, and being 300% ok with whatever that would bring me.

This pregnancy brought me so many gifts. It was a lot of work. I took a lot of time alone and a lot of space. This was my journey, and very personal experience and fears. And its conclusion is part of my story. Each baby brings something unique to a mothers journey, a gift in its own right.

My first baby gave me my voice.

RJ and Pip (1mos old)

She taught me to hear my true feelings. My experience with her taught me that happiness isn't the only emotion, and to speak my mind. She still teaches me every day.

My second baby taught me some times you just have to do some thing scared, and embrace grace and hope for a better season.

Amity and Mama 18 hours old...

Because some times, you are where you are and that doesn't mean you aren't on your way to birth in new freedoms. Amity also taught me how strong and beautiful my body is. And to respect birth and the process it brings you...And learn from it.

Amity and Mama I was 36 weeks along..

Piper taught me to explore and find what I need to have peace. If I have any more babies in the future I'm sure I'll have other (or more of the same) fears to face...it's about putting one foot in front of the other and finding peace for you, in that season. Our children's births are just the beginning...

In a nut shell: After 27 days of insanity making prodromal labor: Piper Joy was born. January 26, 2012 at 5:55pm 7lbs 6oz and 20inches long.

The Long Version: Part One: Our baby leaves us...Then Piper comes too.

To tell this story we need to go back to February 2011.

Keep Your Eyes On Your Own Work...

It has been a busy few weeks! I haven't had as much time for writing as I would hope. In general, things have been going really well around home.

Life can be so sweet!! Especially with a yummy baby- I just wanna eat her!

When they are good, they are very very good. When they are bad...It isn't pretty.

Adjusting to parenting three children...