Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Keep Your Eyes On Your Own Work...

It has been a busy few weeks! I haven't had as much time for writing as I would hope. In general, things have been going really well around home.
Life can be so sweet!! Especially with a yummy baby- I just wanna eat her!
When they are good, they are very very good. When they are bad...It isn't pretty.

Adjusting to parenting three children...
I don't mean to sound like the only woman to ever have three children. But WOW! Yeah, AAAH!!! I don't know how my Mom did three kids 3 and under. Three kids 4 and under is SO HARD (did I say that already? Yeah, oh well). I think the hardest part is still being a "new" Mom...It's not like I have all this figured out! I mean, I have read a lot. I have 3 very different children... I have come so far. But with each new stage each child reaches I feel like I am starting from scratch- especially with RJ (my oldest).

I have been feeling a bit off lately... I have been reading some "AP" blogs and Gentle Parenting blogs and I walk away feeling kinda low...Seriously, so attachment parenting is all sunshine and daisy's for you? You were so attached that you never dealt with ...well, my life. The tantrums...the screaming...These big ugly feelings? You know, feeling like- well like I am failing this parenting gig.

Okay, I am not failing. But those blogs, not so good for me when I get to this place.

Enter lesson I have been learning the past few weeks, I need to keep my eyes on my own work. These are my kids. This is my journey. This is who I am and I can't change that...I need to embrace it.

No checklists...just treasures...
I am me. Either put together, or falling apart. Very late, or way too early. Spacey (but only because my brain is going 100 different directions), slightly spastic, quiet, still, chatty, know-it-all-ish, wise, shallow and deep, friendly, very shy,  kind, moody, loving, caring, open (I hope), ME.

I have been looking at where I am in comparison to those around me (in real life and via cyberspace [do people still say that? I just did...]) and feeling kind of...displaced.

We're about to make some big changes...Really big. And while I know these changes are exciting... They are good... This is just a step in whatever... I feel isolated in these new places we are going. places that are going to make me look funny... Places that may open me up to judgement.

But I need to keep my eyes on my own work. God keeps telling me, "BE NOW"...Be NOW!! BE NOW!!! (well, not so much bad cheer leader...More quiet and gentle- like a warm hug) Whenever I have totally lost it and hurt my girls (feelings/our relationship) I hear it whispered "Be NOW".

You know where NOW is? In the center of Grace. In Him my past is gone...That second ago, gone..Yup that one too- Gone....oop, that one and that one...gone.. gone.. Gone!!!! All He see's is my NOW. BE NOW. What am I going to do based on that wonderful revelation? Be NOW. Keep my eyes on my own work. And my work is saying "YES" to Him. One yes at a time.

Roo picked me some weeds, I mean FLOWERS the other morning (okay a week or two ago).  She was down in the front yard and every few minutes she would run up to our apartment with her hands behind her back and she would say, "I have some thing for you" ...And I would act very curious and say "What!! What do you have for me?" She would pop her little handful of weeds flowers from behind her back and say "I picked these for you, because I love you."

This is my story. I can choose to look at the weeds...Or I can view the true flowers hiding beneath. Parenting my children isn't what I thought it would be. This is so hard and overwhelming. No one else has to understand. It is okay to do things my way. I need to stop judging myself. BE NOW.

Because you know what? Being present and thankful can make simple weeds....Into a beautiful bouquet...

And I am so glad i took these pictures! When I was taking them I thought "Yes, I am strange for taking pictures of weeds...But my children gave them to me...And look, a little lesson came from them!" Yay, God.

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