Okay, that was a long kind of weird title.
But this has been some thing on my heart for the past year or so. It has been a huge part of keeping my eyes on my own work. A key to my ultimate daily goal of being present.
INTROVERT? EXTROVERT?
Most of my life I thought that introverts were "shy" and "quiet" people and that extroverts were "friendly" "loud", and "out going"..
I thought I was an extrovert until about 5 years ago. I love people I consider myself a fairly friendly person and I can be very outgoing in the right situations.
It wasn't until I read Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka that I had the light bulb moment: I am an introvert!
In her book Kurcinka explains that introversion and extroversion have nothing to with shyness or friendliness.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
The Peaceful Birth of the Pip Squeak...A Journey
If you want to skip to the birth story, go to part 6. :0)
I wanted to start this with a disclaimer: INTRODUCTION...
I struggled with a lot of fears in all my pregnancies..Let me rephrase that, I wasn't afraid of any thing in my first pregnancy. Honestly, I was so excited to give birth! I had been raised in a home where child birth was an exciting and normal thing. My Mom had five relatively normal births- I mean some of her hospital experiences were kind of crazy. Also, I was born at home. Going into motherhood, I knew I was capable of natural birth, and nothing else was really an option. A cesarean birth was never something I thought I would ever experience. I was unprepared for the machine that is most large teaching hospitals. For the interventions, for the horrible feeling of being completely at the mercy of that machine. I went through every intervention in the book in my *twelve* hours at the hospital. I ended up with a cesarean.
Blind sided.
With that cut across my abdomen, a whole new world of fears was opened to me. Fears I ignored and wrestled through with my first VBAC baby. And finally truly faced this pregnancy. I finally found healing. Is there more to do? Always.
I mention cesarean birth in negative terms, because my experience was very negative. I also mention baby loss, and death, things that I experienced or I saw become reality for others. I also share the steps I took to find my own personal place of comfort if I were to experience it too. The book Birthing From Within talks a lot about worry and fear. And what a GOOD thing it is, if you use it.
This pregnancy was my journey of learning to use it, explore it, and really walk out all scenarios. It was my discovery of where I needed to be to find peace in whatever - even the unthinkable. It was really hard, but I explored it...and found healing.
I went from a woman who had lost all trust in the medical establishment.. Some one who (honestly, sadly) would choose a dangerous or unhealthy situation over repeat surgery (not that my first HBAC was that scenario- but had things not gone smoothly, I wonder...) I moved to a place where I could fully embrace the thought of another cesarean birth. I went from never ever, under any circumstances, being okay with a hospital birth again...To planning one, and being 300% ok with whatever that would bring me.
This pregnancy brought me so many gifts. It was a lot of work. I took a lot of time alone and a lot of space. This was my journey, and very personal experience and fears. And its conclusion is part of my story. Each baby brings something unique to a mothers journey, a gift in its own right.
My first baby gave me my voice.
She taught me to hear my true feelings. My experience with her taught me that happiness isn't the only emotion, and to speak my mind. She still teaches me every day.
My second baby taught me some times you just have to do some thing scared, and embrace grace and hope for a better season.
Because some times, you are where you are and that doesn't mean you aren't on your way to birth in new freedoms. Amity also taught me how strong and beautiful my body is. And to respect birth and the process it brings you...And learn from it.
Piper taught me to explore and find what I need to have peace. If I have any more babies in the future I'm sure I'll have other (or more of the same) fears to face...it's about putting one foot in front of the other and finding peace for you, in that season. Our children's births are just the beginning...
In a nut shell: After 27 days of insanity making prodromal labor: Piper Joy was born. January 26, 2012 at 5:55pm 7lbs 6oz and 20inches long.
The Long Version: Part One: Our baby leaves us...Then Piper comes too.
To tell this story we need to go back to February 2011.
I wanted to start this with a disclaimer: INTRODUCTION...
I struggled with a lot of fears in all my pregnancies..Let me rephrase that, I wasn't afraid of any thing in my first pregnancy. Honestly, I was so excited to give birth! I had been raised in a home where child birth was an exciting and normal thing. My Mom had five relatively normal births- I mean some of her hospital experiences were kind of crazy. Also, I was born at home. Going into motherhood, I knew I was capable of natural birth, and nothing else was really an option. A cesarean birth was never something I thought I would ever experience. I was unprepared for the machine that is most large teaching hospitals. For the interventions, for the horrible feeling of being completely at the mercy of that machine. I went through every intervention in the book in my *twelve* hours at the hospital. I ended up with a cesarean.
Blind sided.
With that cut across my abdomen, a whole new world of fears was opened to me. Fears I ignored and wrestled through with my first VBAC baby. And finally truly faced this pregnancy. I finally found healing. Is there more to do? Always.
I mention cesarean birth in negative terms, because my experience was very negative. I also mention baby loss, and death, things that I experienced or I saw become reality for others. I also share the steps I took to find my own personal place of comfort if I were to experience it too. The book Birthing From Within talks a lot about worry and fear. And what a GOOD thing it is, if you use it.
This pregnancy was my journey of learning to use it, explore it, and really walk out all scenarios. It was my discovery of where I needed to be to find peace in whatever - even the unthinkable. It was really hard, but I explored it...and found healing.
I went from a woman who had lost all trust in the medical establishment.. Some one who (honestly, sadly) would choose a dangerous or unhealthy situation over repeat surgery (not that my first HBAC was that scenario- but had things not gone smoothly, I wonder...) I moved to a place where I could fully embrace the thought of another cesarean birth. I went from never ever, under any circumstances, being okay with a hospital birth again...To planning one, and being 300% ok with whatever that would bring me.
This pregnancy brought me so many gifts. It was a lot of work. I took a lot of time alone and a lot of space. This was my journey, and very personal experience and fears. And its conclusion is part of my story. Each baby brings something unique to a mothers journey, a gift in its own right.
My first baby gave me my voice.
 |
| RJ and Pip (1mos old) |
She taught me to hear my true feelings. My experience with her taught me that happiness isn't the only emotion, and to speak my mind. She still teaches me every day.
My second baby taught me some times you just have to do some thing scared, and embrace grace and hope for a better season.
 |
| Amity and Mama 18 hours old... |
 |
| Amity and Mama I was 36 weeks along.. |
In a nut shell: After 27 days of insanity making prodromal labor: Piper Joy was born. January 26, 2012 at 5:55pm 7lbs 6oz and 20inches long.
The Long Version: Part One: Our baby leaves us...Then Piper comes too.
To tell this story we need to go back to February 2011.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Keep Your Eyes On Your Own Work...
It has been a busy few weeks! I haven't had as much time for writing as I would hope. In general, things have been going really well around home.
Adjusting to parenting three children...
 |
| Life can be so sweet!! Especially with a yummy baby- I just wanna eat her! |
When they are good, they are very very good. When they are bad...It isn't pretty.
Adjusting to parenting three children...
Sunday, July 22, 2012
This Weeks Parenting Practice: Repentance
"Many people spend their entire lives reacting to what they don't want to be instead of responding to the call of God on their lives..."
-Kriss Vallattonn
"For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he"
-Proverbs 23:7
re·pent 1 (r
-p
nt
)
-pnt)
v. re·pent·ed, re·pent·ing, re·pents
v.intr.
1. To feel remorse, contrition, or self-reproach for what one has done or failed to do; be contrite.
2. To feel such regret for past conduct as to change one's mind regarding it: repented of intemperate behavior.
3. To make a change for the better as a result of remorse or contrition for one's sins.
This post is for the readers who profess that Jesus is Lord. But I think, as with all things having to do with Jesus, when you find Truth- it can be applied to any place you are on in your journey.
So I will try to keep this brief.
I hope.
The older my littles get, and the more children I have to juggle: the more I have struggled to keep all the balls in the air.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
This Weeks Practice: Intentional Grace
"I make this choice NOW, for this situation...Regardless of my less-than-great decisions two minutes ago."
Last weeks Practice was hard. It really wasn't any different than any other week- Friday found me pulling out my hair in desperation. It is hard to give and give and feel like all you hear is whining and shrieking in return. It is hard to feel like you're never enough.
But that isn't the truth. The truth is, I am enough. I am their Mama...They were made for me, and I for them. We're in this together...And no one wins by focusing on a lie. I am enough, there is grace enough...always.
So back to Friday. By mid-morning I was ready to ship the older two off to ...well, if they had boarding school for toddlers- that's where my kids would have been headed! I was DONE. I lost it. I was trying so hard! I was trying to eat my breakfast. I was trying to nurse the baby! I was trying to keep the girls from hurting each other! I was trying to eat my breakfast! I was trying to keep the fussy baby happy. I was trying!! I was TRYING! It was ugly. I yelled at the older two to cut OUT! That I wasn't going to intervene if they were hurting each other any more! They could take the bruises and hair loss! I was DONE! I locked myself in my room (with the baby) for an hour.
Suddenly a switch flipped! They went from sitting on each other and acting like little zombies- to playing nicely- AMAZINGLY- that entire time. I could hear their games, their chatter about their babies and the cakes they were going to bake (in their toy kitchen). They had a blast.
Go figure.
On a little Rabbit Trail...I am trying to figure out why that happens. And also, the balance. I don't want to be permissive- we are a radical non-violent family, but that doesn't mean the kids can do whatever they want! Especially violence towards each other. But some times it seems, unless I am on top of them 100% of the time: Zombie Apocalypse in my living room. In those moments you wonder- what can I do differently!? The only thing I can come up with is that 1) they are children and 2) I think in my desire to have well disciplined children, some times I have a tendency to over-parent (at least in some situations). Then we get stuck in this cycle of it becoming this attention-game. I am not feeding their underlying needs- just slapping band aids on the situation- but I can't meet the needs because we're in this weird band aid slapping cycle. I'll come back to that another time...
Okay, so some days were CRAZY. But you know what? We had really amazingly awesome moments in the week too. There were probably literally 150 times in the week that I set aside some thing I wanted, to bless and love on my kiddos. And the girls noticed, and some times would sweetly hug me and thank me. My kids are amazing. I did a lot of things RIGHT! And I need to celebrate those little steps. Because of my choices there were more hugs given...more kisses..More cuddling...More productive discipline (where children were really tuned-in and learning)...More stories read...More quiet togetherness...More JOY!
It really is a ripple thing. Every right choice counts.
So my Practice this week? Intentional Grace. I refuse to beat myself up for my hard moments. With small irrational children, they're going to happen. Some days when I am in an ugly cycle with one of my kids I want to throw in the towel "Well I've already screwed up- might as well keep going." (how illogical!) or "Well, she isn't being nice to me I don't want to be nice back!!!!!" (so mature!)
This week I choose to say, "That was that moment, this is NOW...I ROCK! I can *always* choose to Love."
I was made for my kids, they were made for me. We can do this thing!
Here is to another week of loving my children...Let's choose to be gracious to ourselves...And our most precious gifts!
Last weeks Practice was hard. It really wasn't any different than any other week- Friday found me pulling out my hair in desperation. It is hard to give and give and feel like all you hear is whining and shrieking in return. It is hard to feel like you're never enough.
But that isn't the truth. The truth is, I am enough. I am their Mama...They were made for me, and I for them. We're in this together...And no one wins by focusing on a lie. I am enough, there is grace enough...always.
So back to Friday. By mid-morning I was ready to ship the older two off to ...well, if they had boarding school for toddlers- that's where my kids would have been headed! I was DONE. I lost it. I was trying so hard! I was trying to eat my breakfast. I was trying to nurse the baby! I was trying to keep the girls from hurting each other! I was trying to eat my breakfast! I was trying to keep the fussy baby happy. I was trying!! I was TRYING! It was ugly. I yelled at the older two to cut OUT! That I wasn't going to intervene if they were hurting each other any more! They could take the bruises and hair loss! I was DONE! I locked myself in my room (with the baby) for an hour.
Suddenly a switch flipped! They went from sitting on each other and acting like little zombies- to playing nicely- AMAZINGLY- that entire time. I could hear their games, their chatter about their babies and the cakes they were going to bake (in their toy kitchen). They had a blast.
Go figure.
On a little Rabbit Trail...I am trying to figure out why that happens. And also, the balance. I don't want to be permissive- we are a radical non-violent family, but that doesn't mean the kids can do whatever they want! Especially violence towards each other. But some times it seems, unless I am on top of them 100% of the time: Zombie Apocalypse in my living room. In those moments you wonder- what can I do differently!? The only thing I can come up with is that 1) they are children and 2) I think in my desire to have well disciplined children, some times I have a tendency to over-parent (at least in some situations). Then we get stuck in this cycle of it becoming this attention-game. I am not feeding their underlying needs- just slapping band aids on the situation- but I can't meet the needs because we're in this weird band aid slapping cycle. I'll come back to that another time...
Okay, so some days were CRAZY. But you know what? We had really amazingly awesome moments in the week too. There were probably literally 150 times in the week that I set aside some thing I wanted, to bless and love on my kiddos. And the girls noticed, and some times would sweetly hug me and thank me. My kids are amazing. I did a lot of things RIGHT! And I need to celebrate those little steps. Because of my choices there were more hugs given...more kisses..More cuddling...More productive discipline (where children were really tuned-in and learning)...More stories read...More quiet togetherness...More JOY!
It really is a ripple thing. Every right choice counts.
So my Practice this week? Intentional Grace. I refuse to beat myself up for my hard moments. With small irrational children, they're going to happen. Some days when I am in an ugly cycle with one of my kids I want to throw in the towel "Well I've already screwed up- might as well keep going." (how illogical!) or "Well, she isn't being nice to me I don't want to be nice back!!!!!" (so mature!)
This week I choose to say, "That was that moment, this is NOW...I ROCK! I can *always* choose to Love."
I was made for my kids, they were made for me. We can do this thing!
Here is to another week of loving my children...Let's choose to be gracious to ourselves...And our most precious gifts!
 |
| Who couldn't love this lil face? (Pip @10 weeks old) |
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Needle-less Beading
Maybe I am a genius. Maybe this is dumb or obvious. But *I* felt inspired this morning to come up with such a simple solution!
I have been wanting to do beading with RJ for a really long time. But the thought of giving my daughters (specifically AJ) needles - even plastic ones - was a big turn off to taking on this project.
 |
| Girls Treasure/Jewelry Box |
Since starting any project like this means stepping on small beads for weeks on end, I wanted to figure out how to do this with limited mess before Pip starts crawling. And maybe it is just one of those things that we won't be able to do for a while.
Today was raining... It has rained a lot the last 6 weeks and we have been bored. Enter, trip to the dollar store. We got soaked. We bought some craft stuff. Specifically, a pack of beads.
We got home and I realized I still didn't know exactly how we were going to string them. I pulled out some big embroidery needles- NO WAY! RJ started saying she was scared (Rightly so, I was not liking the mental images of how THAT would go with AJ around.) and so...
Monday, June 11, 2012
A New Page...
Well I have to start some where!
I have gone back and forth about coming out of my private little blog and sharing with more people. I mean - at least being willing to be "out there" more. Maybe it is presumptuous of me, but I have felt for a long time that I have a lot to share. Not that I have a lot to go on about (I don't really). But on another level I have felt like I needed to take this step- maybe just to reach one person- who knows? I am not expecting for readership to skyrocket. :0) I just decided to be true and faithful and make this little place inviting and open. Maybe there are people out there who are supposed to come across my little corner of the internet. Time will tell. I know with out a doubt, that I am called to reach out and encourage other Mamas (in whatever way they walk).
This has been on my heart for a LONG time...But I have been reluctant to take this step. Mainly because, while I have zero problem sharing my heart with complete strangers...I struggle with knowing family (not my hubs...The others ) could read this.
I'm a bit of a quirk. I know it.
So here I am. I am going to do it. I will put my self out there. There will be some more personal posts I'll keep at my old abode. I would eventually like to edit and share in different parts my HWBAC2 (Home-Water-Birth-After a Cesarean [second VBAC]) journey...I think I may even post the video of the birth (that should get the birth junkies interested, right?).
I have gone back and forth about coming out of my private little blog and sharing with more people. I mean - at least being willing to be "out there" more. Maybe it is presumptuous of me, but I have felt for a long time that I have a lot to share. Not that I have a lot to go on about (I don't really). But on another level I have felt like I needed to take this step- maybe just to reach one person- who knows? I am not expecting for readership to skyrocket. :0) I just decided to be true and faithful and make this little place inviting and open. Maybe there are people out there who are supposed to come across my little corner of the internet. Time will tell. I know with out a doubt, that I am called to reach out and encourage other Mamas (in whatever way they walk).
This has been on my heart for a LONG time...But I have been reluctant to take this step. Mainly because, while I have zero problem sharing my heart with complete strangers...I struggle with knowing family (not my hubs...The others ) could read this.
I'm a bit of a quirk. I know it.
So here I am. I am going to do it. I will put my self out there. There will be some more personal posts I'll keep at my old abode. I would eventually like to edit and share in different parts my HWBAC2 (Home-Water-Birth-After a Cesarean [second VBAC]) journey...I think I may even post the video of the birth (that should get the birth junkies interested, right?).
Here's to a new Adventure!
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